Toni Marie

ahhhh!

2006-07-19T08:25:26Z

There was this bug in my room, and it was making a lot of noise, and so I was like shut the fuck up, and it did! And I was like sweet! And I looked to see where it was and saw a spider wrapping it up in her web and I freaked. For those of you who know me, know I have a terrible fear of spiders. So I start hyperventalaning and shaking, and I tried to kill it, but I freaked everytime I got near it. So it was like 2:30 am and I couldnt do it, so I actually woke my my father up to kill it for me. He was real upset... but gah! It was a spider and it was red! It freaked me out.

memories

2006-07-18T06:13:28Z

"If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you."

wow

2006-07-06T23:20:23Z

So, everyone knows Im bad at shaving, I aways cut my self, but I have gone above and beyond, and cut myslef with a bladless razor... yeah, go me!
If youd like to cease being my friend, I understand... lol

andromaque @ 2006-07-01T20:32:00

2006-07-02T01:33:12Z

Oi. I still dont have a job....... what to do? I have $10 and thats it!

blah

2006-06-23T07:36:59Z

One of my rants. I feel like a fucking fat ass. Short rant
love you

"I dont like that, a bowl of juice wears tights, its not a good combination, juice wearing tights... coming throught the wall is real fucking cool, using the front door is cool too, dont touch me you drink! You giant beverage. I will kick you in the tights, and you'll go down, your very top heavey"

ok

2006-06-20T08:42:27Z

I dont have a job
Its 4:34am. and Im bored
I need a job
therese nothing on tv
Im wide awake
I should go to bed
blaaaaaaaa
im gonna look for a new icon...

college student sign

2006-05-02T07:35:02Z

Instead of studying for your English final you watch a "the simple life" marathon and feel that much smarter.

too add to my last entry

2006-05-02T06:14:22Z

I watched briget jones diary and at the begining, I did the thing she does, singing into the bottle drinking, i felt very weird.
Oh and tiny observation, the gilr that plays her friend in this and plays moaning mertle in HP, she also starts off in this movie crying in the girld bathroom. How great is that?lol

Im a dork

2006-04-28T05:53:47Z

And I know this. Yeah, I squeal when I see comercials for any Harry Potter, and tear up after the gravyard scene in GoF and get goose bumps. Yeah, I like Eliza Dushku, shes my hetero sexual crush. And sure Id like to be the apple in my icon, lol. I squeal when Lost comes on weather its a repeat or not. Yes most of my stress can be relieved by chocolate and Johnny Depp. Sure, i've said being a pirate would be cool, but i get sea sick and would feel guilty after stealing things. I've come to the realization that I will never look like a model, but also come to the realization, who wants to look like a model? I know Im not smart, but Im not dumb either so dont treat me that way. Yeah, there are times when I like to show a little skin, but Im not slutty. Yep, if i could be anything it would be a priciple ballet dancer, but I get foor cramps from flexing my toes, so it wont ever happen. Teddy bears and flowers make me happy. Yes, Im jealous of my sister Lisa, but I know Im better.
Anyway... i guess I just felt the need to get that out, or something
i love you all
kaleenichta!

yep

2006-04-23T18:08:00Z

its another sure sign that your a college student when your breakfast at 1 in the afternoon consists of the Ben and Jerry's you didnt finish at 12 am the night/morning before.

ok...

2006-04-21T05:56:27Z

So disc 5 is ok. Of course, I meant to put in disc 6 and watch for the greater good, but put in disk 5 and watched Do No Harm... the one where Boone dies... it was sad

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2006-04-21T05:05:47Z

Ok, so, I finally get my LOST dvd's back, and Im so excited that I just need to watch them, right? So I put in disc 4 to watch hearts and minds (Boone/Shannon scene, yeah) anyway, Im watching it and all of a sudden it freezes. And im like what the hell, then it skips and freezes again. I litterally walked over to the t.v and fell on my knees begging it not to do this. So then it plays, but not from where it left off. So I skip backwards to go to the chapter I was on, and it wont play it! it went right from chapter 3-5 and i almost cried. So I decided to watch another eposiod. It did the same thing. Im going to try a differnt disk now, so keep you fingers crossed for me, because if it does this again, i might have a nervous break down.

Prisinor of Azkaban in 15 min

2006-04-20T04:36:19Z

ok, so technically, Im not supposed to have this, so shhh!
and the movie will be spoiled if you havent seen it

Some Dark Bedroom

HARRY: *plays with his wand in the middle of the night*

MR. DURSLEY: Stop playing with your wand in the middle of the night, boy!

HARRY: *won't stop playing with his wand in the middle of the night*

Aunt Marge Comes to Visit

AUNT MARGE: Carry my luggage, boy!

HARRY: ...

AUNT MARGE: Clean my plate, boy!

HARRY: ...

AUNT MARGE: Come back and listen to my insults, boy!

HARRY: ...

AUNT MARGE: Your mother was a bitch!

AUNT MARGE'S GLASS: *explodes*

MR. DURSLEY: Oh, shit.

AUNT MARGE: ...and your father was a drunk!

HARRY: I KEEL YOU!

AUNT MARGE: *spontaneously Violet Beauregards and floats away into the sky*

DUDLEY: *drools*

Five minutes later, Harry stomps down with his trunk packed.

MR. DURSLEY: YOU DEFLATE YOUR AUNT RIGHT NOW!

HARRY: FUCK ALL Y'ALL AND THIS POPSICLE STAND!

AUNT MARGE IN THE DISTANCE: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Some Dark Street Harry storms off into the night dragging his trunk, apparently having left his owl to the Dursleys' tender mercies.

HP FANS: OMGWTFHEDWIG!

SOME DARK AND SCARY SWING SET: *swings*

SOME DARK AND SCARY SEESAW: *saws*

SOME SCARY BLACK DOG: Rrrrrr! Black dog, I'm a BLACK dog!

HARRY: Okay, maybe I didn't think this all the way through.

The Knight Bus arrives, which is for some reason piloted by a legally blind man and a shrunken head. ON CRACK. Stan Shunpike heaves Harry's trunk on board.

STAN: This 'ere newspaper says--

KNIGHT BUS: ZOOM!

STAN: --that Sirius Black is a psycho killer escaped from--

KNIGHT BUS: VEER!

STAN: --Azkaban, the terrible prison for wizards, and is dangerous and--

KNIGHT BUS: DEATH-DEFY!

STAN: --on the loose and one of You-Know-Who's most faithful supporters and probably out looking for a boy wizard to kill!

HARRY [peeling his face off the window]: You done with the trip to the Department of Back Story?

STAN: Yeah, I think so. NEXT STOP LEAKY CAULDRON!

The Leaky Cauldron

CORNELIUS FUDGE: *has a Ministry of Magic office in the middle of a tavern for some reason*

HARRY: Hedwig! You made it!

HEDWIG: Love you too, bitch.

FUDGE: So! Harry! Bit of illegal magic there that we usually expel students for! No worries, all cleaned up, be on your way now!

HUNCHBACK: Mr. Potter! Saaanctuaaary!

HARRY: Y'all. Are such. Freaks.

HUNCHBACK: ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

HARRY: *runs*

Room 11, The Leaky Cauldron Fudge has helpfully bought all of Harry's new school books.

THE MONSTER BOOK OF MONSTERS: *eats Harry's face*

HARRY: I shall stomp on you and tie you up and name you Fizgig.

THE MONSTER BOOK OF MONSTERS: AHahAHahAHahAH!

The Leaky Cauldron, The Next Day

RON AND HERMIONE: *bicker bicker Scabbers plot point bicker*

WANTED POSTER: RAAAA! LOOK AT ME! I'M SO CRAZY! I'M CRAZY GARY OLDMAN!

MR. WEASLEY: Harry, there's something I'm not supposed to tell you that I've gotta tell you.

HARRY: Okay, shoot.

MR. WEASLEY: Sirius Black is specifically coming to kill you. Promise me that whatever terrible and infuriating things anyone says, you won't go after him.

HARRY: Should I ask follow-up questions about this?

MR. WEASLEY: Not unless you want to get down to the bottom of the mystery in the first fifteen minutes of the movie.

HARRY: Oh, okay.

WANTED POSTER: SO CRAZY!

The Hogwarts Express

MRS. WEASLEY [with Scabbers]: OMG RON! DON'T FORGET YOUR PLOT POINT!

HARRY: Guys, I have something really freaky to tell you! Shall we sit in the train car with the drunk sleeping under a coat?

HERMIONE: Sure, might as well.

HARRY: Rock. So, Sirius Black is coming to kill me and stuff.

WINDOW: *frosts over*

DRUNK'S BOTTLE: *freezes*

RON: OMG we're going into a new ice age! Everybody start burning books!

SCARY SHRIVELED HAND: *pulls open door*

DEMENTOR: SHIIIIIRE.... BAAAAAGGINS....

KIDS: AHHHHHHH!

DEMENTOR: *dements*

HARRY: *pitches a spaz*

RON AND HERMIONE: Help! Somebody help!

DRUNK: ...

RON AND HERMIONE: SOMEBODY HELP, GODDAMMIT! GO DEMENT THE DRUNK OR SOMETHING!

DRUNK LUPIN [leaping up]: I am no drunk! I am your pitifully mysterious new professor who takes his sweet-ass time coming to the aid of his new students! BACK, YOU DEVIL!

DEMENTOR: *flees*

LUPIN: Here, eat this chocolate.

Great Hall, Hogwarts

GROOVY NEW DUMBLEDORE: Many thanks to the Richard Harris Memorial Toad Choir for that lovely performance. Greetings, salutations, and what up: I will be your new Dumbledore this year, which I'm sure will be fabulous despite the presence of a few hundred undernourished ringwraiths on the premises. Hagrid will be taking over the Care of Magical Creatures class despite having no teaching credentials whatsoever, and also, we have a new teacher, Professor Lupin, to fill our cursed Defense of the Dark Arts spot. Good luck making it through the year alive, Remus!

SNAPE: *gives Lupin the stink-eye*

LUPIN: Oh, I feel at home already.

Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory The boys eat candy, roar like wild animals, and have a pillow fight.

DEMENTOR FLOATING AROUND HOGWARTS: I think I saw a porno like this once.

Divination Class

TRELAWNEY: Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! There is totally a big scary black dog following you!

HARRY: You get paid for this?

RON: Hermione! When'd you get here?

HERMIONE: Pshhhh, I was here the whole time. Also, this class sucks. Which I know, because I was here the whole time. My Ancient Runes class is a lot better.

RON: Wait a minute... aren't Runes and Divination at the same time?

HERMIONE: ...Yes.

RON: So how are you taking two classes at once?

HERMIONE: I'm not, stupid.

RON: Except... for the part... where you totally are...?

HERMIONE: ...

Care of Magical Creatures Class

RON: Wow, Hagrid's hut is in a totally different location than it used to be.

HERMIONE: Seriously, what up with that?

RON: AHHHH! YOU! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

HAGRID: Since Harry has the most experience dealing with weird shit, he can go first. Bow to the nice horsybird, Harry.

BUCKBEAK: *snuffle squawk gnash snort RAAAA!*

HERMIONE: *grabs Ron's hand*

RON/HERMIONE SHIPPERS: YAY!

RON AND HERMIONE: COOTIES! AHHHHH!

After flirting with feathery death for a few minutes, Harry wins the hippogriff's respect and gets an impromptu flight around Hogwarts.

HARRY: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!

HALF THE AUDIENCE: He's KING OF THE WOOOORLD!

HALF THE AUDIENCE: Okay, you think of a better joke.

DRACO: OUTTA MY WAY, PLEBE, IT'S MY TURN ON THE HORSYBIRD!

BUCKBEAK: *administers a two-hoof beatdown*

DRACO: *cries for Daddy*

HAGRID: Lord. Tell Madam Pomfrey to pull out the smelling salts, I gotta bear Miss Malfoy here off to the fainting couch.

DRACO: Faster, plebe! I do believe I have the vapors!

Defense of the Dark Arts Class

LUPIN: All right, dementors suck, and I still can't figure out why they're picking on teenage kids who don't look anything like Crazy Gary Oldman, so we're going to learn about boggarts and how to laugh at them. Line up!

MUSIC: *is madcap*

LUPIN: So, Neville, what are you afraid of?

NEVILLE: Everything?

LUPIN: Besides that?

NEVILLE: Professor Snape.

LUPIN: Snape it is then! Make your fears funny and therefore harmless!

NEVILLE: *changes Snape into Drag Queen Grandma Snape*

DRAG QUEEN GRANDMA SNAPE: RUNS in my STOCKINGS? FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!

RON: *changes giant spider into giant roller-skating spider*

PARVATI: *changes a snake into a GIANT SCARY CLOWN JACK-IN-THE BOX*

HARRY: Dude, you're not helping.

LUPIN: Go on, Harry! I'm sure none of the things you've witnessed in your life would give the other students heart attacks at all!

HARRY: *conjures a dementor*

LUPIN: AHHH! CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!

Some Really Long Bridge on the School Grounds That Didn't Exist Before This Movie Everyone else has gone to Hogsmeade. Harry can't, because the Dursleys suck ...

LUPIN: So I knew you'd conjure something terrifying, which is why I stopped you.

HARRY: Except that... you totally didn't.

LUPIN: Whatever. My point is, I thought you'd choose Voldemort for your turn.

HARRY: Well, then, that makes letting me have a whack at the boggart really stupid, now, doesn't it?

LUPIN: ...

HARRY: ...

LUPIN: Here, eat this chocolate. You know, you look a lot like your father. Except that you have J.K. Rowling's eyes.

HARRY: Awww, thanks.

The Portrait Gallery

THE FAT LADY: OMG MY PORTRAIT HAS BEEN SLASHED! DEFILED! THE SHAME!

MCGONAGALL: Sirius Black was trying to get to Harry Potter and kill him!

SCABBERS THE RAT: *looks away, whistling*

DUMBLEDORE: All right, everyone in the Great Hall for a sleepover!

FILCH: I think I saw a porno like this once.

Defense Against the Dark Arts Class

SNAPE: EVERYONE SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE GODDAMN HELL UP.

HARRY: Where's Professor Lupin?

SNAPE: MOONING AROUND somewhere, I'm sure. In other news, today's lesson is on WEREWOLVES. Can anyone enlighten the audience on the difference between a WEREWOLF and an animagus?

HERMIONE: Yes! A werewolf can't help changing into an animal and doesn't remember who he is, while an animagus chooses to change and can control himself.

SNAPE: Correct. FIVE THOUSAND POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!

HERMIONE: I--but the--adda--wibba--

SNAPE: I want two rolls of parchment on WEREWOLVES by tomorrow, including what WEREWOLVES look like, how to detect WEREWOLVES in the faculty of a British boarding school for wizards, and the definition of the Latin word "lupus." CLASS DISMISSED!

CLASS: *grumble grumble homework grumble*

DRACO (writing): Mr. Harry Potter Draco Potter Draco Malfoy-Potter Mr. and Mr. Malfoy-Potter

DRACO/HARRY SHIPPERS: YAY!

DRACO: *crumples up paper, starts over, sends over Origami Crane of Pigtail-Pulling*

THE NOTE: Dear Potter, HA HA!

EVERYONE ELSE: *leaves*

SNAPE [shouting after them]: WEREWOLVES WEREWOLVES WEREWOLVES!

Apparently the Only Quidditch Game Played at Hogwarts This Year

THE RAIN: *is torrential*

HARRY'S GOGGLES: *are sporty*

OLIVER WOOD: *is not there*

HP FANS: *grumble grumble like to polish his Biggerstaff grumble*

Harry ends up chasing the Snitch up into the stratosphere, where the Dementors show up, start dementing, and sucking Harry's face until he falls off his broom and plummets to earth in front of several hundred shrieking spectators.

DUMBLEDORE: THIS IS NOT GROOVY AT ALL!

The Infirmary

HARRY: What happened?

RON: You fell a hundred feet and nearly died but Dumbledore, like, caught you with his mind or something.

HARRY: THE GAME, Ron.

HERMIONE: Uh...wekindalostdontblameyourselfHarry.

HARRY: Well, shit. Could things get any worse?

RON: Funny you should say that.

HARRY'S BROOM: *is dead from tree*

Harry and Lupin Take a Stroll Through the Woods

LUPIN: So... that bit about your broom sucks.

HARRY: Tell me about it.

LUPIN: Here, have some chocolate.

Some Snowy Courtyard. Harry mopes around in his invisibility cloak, trying to sneak off to Hogsmeade, but the Weasley twins catch him.

FRED: Merry Christmas!

GEORGE: Have a party!

HARRY: It's...

FRED: An invisible map

GEORGE: to go with your cloak!

FRED: It has all

GEORGE: the secret passages!

HARRY: WOOT!

The Shrieking Shack, Hogsmeade

HERMIONE: You wanna come closer?

RON: Ew, you have cooties!

HERMIONE: To the Shack.

RON: The Shack also has cooties!

DRACO: Weasley and the Mudblood, sitting in a tree!

DRACO'S HAT: *sneers furrily*

CRABBE AND GOYLE: HA HA!

INVISIBLE HARRY: *wreaks snowy vengeance*

DRACO: *runs off crying for Daddy*

The Three Broomsticks, Hogsmeade Invisible Harry overhears his name and follows Fudge, McGonagall, and Madame Rosmerta into the Three Broomsticks.

THE AUDIENCE: Hey! It's Brad Pitt's goddess mom [Movie: Troy]! Hi, Brad Pitt's goddess mom! What are you the goddess of this time?

MADAME ROSMERTA: Back story. So, Minerva, what's up with Harry and Sirius Black?

MCGONAGALL: Well, you'll never believe it, but Sirius Black is actually Harry's godfather because he was the Potters' best friend but he totally sold them out to You-Know-Who and now he wants to kill Harry.

MADAME ROSMERTA: It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the mysterious nine-fingered death of Peter Pettigrew, could it?

MCGONAGALL: Shpfff, of course not.

Snowy Glade of Teenage Weeping, Hogsmeade

NO-LONGER-INVISIBLE HARRY: OMG HE WAS THEIR FRIEND! I KILL YOU DEAD, SIRIUS BLACK!

HERMIONE: I would give you a comforting hug, but... y'know, the cooties.

HARRY: S'aright. I have to practice my teenage rage for the next two movies anyway.

Lupin Teaches Harry Extremely Advanced Magic He Couldn't Possibly Learn at This Age

LUPIN: So. The better the memory, the better the Patronus. Go!

DEMENTOR-IN-A-BOX: RAAAAAA!!

HARRY: *falls over*

LUPIN: No dice, Frodo. Think of something better.

HARRY: Well... I have this memory... actually it wasn't a very happy memory, and really it wasn't even a memory, it was just something I saw in a magic mirror, but...

LUPIN: Go! HARRY: *produces a giant shield of light*

LUPIN: Wow! You held off a fake Dementor with a fake memory! Let's just assume that'll work with a real one!

Somewhere on the School Grounds

RON: YOUR CAT ATE MY RAT AND I HATE YOU!

HERMIONE: MY CAT DID NOT EAT YOUR RAT AND I HATE YOU!

HARRY: Y'all, get a room or something. Hagrid! What's wrong?

HAGRID (sniffling): Buckbeak was SET UP and Draco is a LIAR and his father is a BAD BAD MAN and now Buckbeak is going to DIE!

THE KIDS: Oh no!

HP FANS: WAHHHHH!

HARRY: Dude, nothing's even happened to Buckbeak yet--what's wrong with you guys?

HP FANS: You keep talking about Lucius Lucius Malfoy and then we don't even get to see him!

HARRY: ...

Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory

RON [in his sleep]: Spiders...spiders! Spiders want me to tap-dance and I don't wanna tap-dance, Harry!

HARRY [looking up from map]: You tell those spiders, Ron.

NOTHING: *is funnier than that line*

HARRY [looking back at map]: "Peter Pettigrew," WTF?

RON [in background]: Spiders... noooo... spiders... the centaurs have my money, please don't make me tap-dance....

Somewhere in the Hall Outside the Dormitory

PETTIGREW: *comes closer on the map*

HARRY: *sees no one*

PETTIGREW: *comes closer on the map*

HARRY: *sees no one*

PETTIGREW: *comes closer on the map*

HARRY: *sees no one*

PETTIGREW: *OMGSOCLOSE*

HARRY: NO ONE IS HERE!

SNAPE: POTTER!

HARRY: AHHHH!

SNAPE: Hand it over. REVEALUS SECRETUS!

THE MAP: Messrs. Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs kindly ask you to kiss this map's ass.

SNAPE: FIVE MILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!

LUPIN: Hi, I'll take that. Take your greasiness back to bed plzkthnx.

SNAPE: *sour face*

Lupin's Office

LUPIN: OH MY GOD TRAIPSING AROUND A DARK CASTLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH A MAP THAT SHOWS ANYONE INCLUDING THE GUY WHO WANTS TO KILL YOU HOW TO FIND ANYONE INCLUDING YOU ARE YOU STUPID?

HARRY: *hangs head*

LUPIN: Oh, what the hell. Have some chocolate.

Divination Class

TRELAWNEY: Ooooo, ahhhhhh, I see lots of skepticism in your future, Miss Granger. Also, a book will be your date to the prom.

HERMIONE: FUCK YOUR COSMIC SHIT!

HARRY AND RON: *back away slowly*

CRYSTAL BALL: *also backs away slowly*

HARRY: Oh, hell, I'd better go take the crystal ball back to Professor Trelawney.

CRYSTAL BALL: Haaaaarry... Haaaaaarry...

HARRY: AHHH! Get out of my school supplies, Crazy Gary Oldman!

TRELAWNEY: TONIGHT THE DARK LORD'S SERVANT WILL RETURN TO HIS MASTER AND DEATH WILL STALK US ALL!

HARRY: AHHHHHHHHHHH!

TRELAWNEY: What? I said "Thanks for bringing back my crystal ball."

HARRY: *runs for his life*

Rocks of Gigantitude. Draco Malfoy and his two goons congratulate themselves on getting Buckbeak sent to the big pumpkin patch in the sky.

HERMIONE: I KEEL YOU!

DRACO: *cries*

RON AND HARRY: He's not worth it, Hermione!

DRACO: HA H--

HERMIONE: *punches Draco*

DRACO'S HEAD: *bounces off the rock with a beautiful THUNK*

RON: I think I love you.

Hagrid's Hut of Gigantitude

HAGRID [sniffling]: I can't believe they're gonna execute Buckbeak for laying the smackdown on Malfoy! Come on! We've all wanted to do that!

THE KIDS: Aww, it's terrible, poor Buckbeak, really, it'll be all right, etc.

HAGRID: Oh, by the way, Ron, I found your plot point. Looks like Hermione's cat didn't eat him after all.

A STONE: CRASH!

ANOTHER STONE: THUNK!

HARRY: Ow! What the hell was that?

HERMIONE: Dumbledore and Fudge and the executioner guy are coming! Run!

Hagrid's Pumpkin Patch of Gigantitude

RON: Isn't there anything we can do?

HARRY: Doesn't look like it.

SOMETHING: *rustles in the bushes behind them*

HERMIONE: What was that?

HARRY: Nothing, just a plot point. Come on, we've got to get out of here!

Hilltop of Hippogriff Sorrow

EXECUTIONER: *chops something off-screen*

PEOPLE WHO DON'T READ THE BOOKS: OMGWTFHORSYBIRD!

THE KIDS: *hug threesomely*

ALFONSO CUARN: I think I directed a porno like this once.

SCABBERS: RON! I BITE YOUR THUMB AT YOU!

RON: AHHHHHH! COME BACK, SCABBERS!

The Whomping Willow

RON: Scabbers! There you are! What are you running away fr...

HARRY: AHHH! BIG BLACK DOG!

RON: Oh, shit. HARRY: AHHH! WHOMPING WILLOW!

HERMIONE: Hey, didn't it used to be on a totally different part of the grounds?

BIG BLACK DOG: *drags Ron and Scabbers into a hole under the tree*

RON: Ohhhhhhh shiiiiiiiii.....

Ten minutes later, after the Whomping Willow is done flinging Harry and Hermione around, they find a tunnel under the tree to... The Shrieking Shack

RON: Help! Help!

HARRY: We're coming, Ron!

RON: Don't help! Don't help! It's a trap!

HARRY: *eye roll*

BIG BLACK DOG: *turns into Sirius Black*

HERMIONE: If you want to kill Harry, you'll have to kill us first!

HP FANS: OMGWTF THAT WAS RON'S LINE! YOU CHANGED THINGS FROM THE BOOK!

LOTR FANS: What are you, new?

SIRIUS: Only one person will die tonight, but I will be vague about it so that you'll think I mean Harry!

HARRY: BRING! IT! ON!

Harry jumps Sirius and gets his chokehold on.

LUPIN [rushing in]: Harry, no! EXPELLIARMUS!

THE KIDS: Lupin!

SIRIUS: Remus!

LUPIN: Sirius!

SIRIUS: Hug!

HERMIONE: Werewolf!

RON AND HARRY: What?

SNAPE: BLACK!

THE KIDS: Snape!

SNAPE: EXPELLIARMUS!

LUPIN: Noooo!

SIRIUS: Pettigrew!

THE KIDS: What?

SIRIUS: Map!

LUPIN: Dead!

SIRIUS: No!

LUPIN: Yes!

SIRIUS: No!

LUPIN: Yes!

SIRIUS: No!

LUPIN: Yes!

SNAPE: Christ, you two bicker like an old married couple.

SIRIUS/LUPIN SHIPPERS: YAY!

SNAPE: ANYWAY. Dementors' Kiss for you, Black, an I'll have no more of this monosy--

HARRY [with Hermione's wand]: EXPELLIARMUS!

EXPELLIARMUS: *for some reason does not just disarm Snape but throws him through the wall of the Shack*

RON: Oh, we are so fucked now.

HERMIONE: Professor Lupin! You were Harry's friend, so I didn't tell on you for the werewolf stuff, and now you're going to turn Harry over to Black!

HARRY: Dude, you could have told ME!

SIRIUS: I don't want to kill you, Harry! I want to kill your friend's rat!

RON: WHY ARE WE SUDDENLY ON OPPOSITE PLANET?

Another Trip to the Department of Back Story

SIRIUS: No, no! Harry's father and Remus and Peter and I were all best friends, except that Peter was kind of a wuss and so he went over to Voldemort and I had told Peter where the Potters were hiding because I must have gone stupid all of a sudden, and I found out Peter had gone bad and he cut off his finger to make it look like I blew him up and then he blew everyone else up and left me to take the rap after Voldemort killed the Potters and he's been living as the Weasley family rat ever since! See, it all makes sense!

THE KIDS: ...

SIRIUS: Gimme your rat!

RON: No!

SIRIUS: Gimme your rat!

RON: No!

SIRIUS: Gimme your rat!

RON: No!

SIRIUS AND LUPIN: *turn Scabbers back into Peter Pettigrew*

RON: Oh. My. GOD.

PETTIGREW: Ron! Help me! I was a good rat, wasn't I? Remember all the good times we had?

SIRIUS: I think I saw a porno like that once.

RON: Y'all are SICK, man.

PETTIGREW: *grovels*

HARRY: You know what? Let's not kill him.

SIRIUS: What?

HARRY: Let's give him to the Dementors and let them suck his soul out through his nose.

SIRIUS: That's my boy!

Outside the Whomping Willow

SIRIUS: I know I'm kinda scruffy and scary and all but, you know, I am your godfather and if you ever wanted to come live with me instead of your asshole relatives...

HARRY: Come. And live. With you?

SIRIUS: I know, I know... forget I said anything.

HARRY: The word I am trying to think of here is OH GOD YES PLEASE NOW.

A FULL MOON: *rises*

HERMIONE: Oh, shit.

SIRIUS: Remus! This is not you! This is not your heart! I'LL MAKE OUT WITH YOU IF I HAVE TO!

LUPIN: *turns into Lupinwolf*

SIRIUS: Awwww, shit, Remus... *turns into Siriusdog*

PETTIGREW: *turns back into Scabbers and scampers for the hills*

SNAPE: *emerges to protect the kids, conveniently without ever having seen Pettigrew*

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU, SIRIUSDOG!

SIRIUSDOG: *whimpers*

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU TOO, HARRY POTTER!

HARRY: AHHHH!

FEMALE WEREWOLF: AROOOOOOOO!

EVERYBODY: WTF?

HARRY: *runs after wounded Siriusdog into the woods*

Somewhere in the Hogwarts Woods Harry must conjure a Patronus before the Dementors suck off Siriusdog's face.

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: ...

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: ...

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: ...

HARRY: *cries*

DEMENTORS: *dement*

PATRONUS: *finally gets off his ass and prances stagfully*

HARRY: Dad!

THE AUDIENCE: What? Where?

DEMENTORS: Run away! We are powerless against Bambi's dad!

HARRY: *falls over*

The Infirmary

HARRY: You can't let them take Sirius back to have his face sucked off! He didn't kill my parents, Peter Pettigrew did!

DUMBLEDORE: ...

HARRY: And then he turned into a rat and lived with Ron's family for twelve years and turned back into Peter and then turned back into a rat and conveniently ran away so that no one can prove or disprove our story!

DUMBLEDORE: ...

HERMIONE: You've got to believe us!

DUMBLEDORE [leaving]: Three turns, Miss Granger.

HARRY: Eh?

HERMIONE: He means the Time-Turner I've been wearing all year to turn back time and take extra classes.

RON [from hospital bed]: I KNEW IT!

HERMIONE: *pulls out a tiny hourglass on a five-foot chain conveniently long enough to go around two people*

HARRY: Does it have a flux capacitor?

HERMIONE: Shut up and let me chain you.

HARRY/HERMIONE SHIPPERS: YAY!

HARRY AND HERMIONE: *disappear*

THE REALLY CONFUSING PART OF THE MOVIE: *begins*

Rocks of Gigantitude

HERMIONE: *punches Draco*

DRACO'S HEAD: *bounces off the rock with a beautiful THUNK*

RON: I think I love you.

HERMIONE: Dude, I think I love me too right now.

Hagrid's Hut of Gigantitude

HAGRID: Oh, by the way, Ron, I found your plot point. Looks like Hermione's cat didn't eat him after all.

HARRY: Why are we not leaving? LEAVE, DAMN US!

HERMIONE: *throws stones*

A STONE: CRASH!

ANOTHER STONE: THUNK!

HARRY: Ow! What the hell was that?

HARRY: OW! THAT WAS MY SKULL, HOR!

HERMIONE: Come on, Buckbeak! Tasty ferrets! Yes! Into the woods! Hurry, before we find ourselves!

Hagrid's Pumpkin Patch of Gigantitude

RON: Isn't there anything we can do?

HARRY: Doesn't look like it.

HERMIONE: Wow, my hair is a lot less frizzy in this movie

HERMIONE: What was that?

HERMIONE: Duck!

HARRY: Nothing, just a plot point. Come on, we've got to get out of here!

HARRY: Come on, we've got to get Buckbeak out of here!

Outside Hut of Gigantitude

FUDGE: OMGWTF!

DUMBLEDORE: Oh, Dead Hippogriff Walking's gone, what a pity. Hagrid, break out the brandy plzkthnx.

HALF THE AUDIENCE: OMG ALCOHOL IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE!

DUMBLEDORE: It's the parents who need booze the most. Am I right?

PARENTS IN THE THEATER: Damn straight, you tell 'em Albus, testify!, snap snap snap, etc.

EXECUTIONER: *chops a pumpkin off-screen*

The Whomping Willow

LUPIN: *stops the tree, goes down into the tunnel*

SNAPE: *follows Lupin*

HERMIONE: Well, now I guess we wait.

HARRY: It was my dad, out there in the woods! My dad came and saved me!

HERMIONE: Your dad's... dead, Harry.

HARRY: Shut up, hor.

A FULL MOON: *comes out*

HERMIONE: Oh, shit.

SIRIUS: Remus! This is not you! This is not your heart! I'LL MAKE OUT WITH YOU IF I HAVE TO!

HERMIONE: You know, I think that counts as a marriage ceremony in Massachusetts now.

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU, SIRIUSDOG!

SIRIUSDOG: *whimpers*

LUPINWOLF: I KEEL YOU TOO, HARRY POTTER!

HARRY: AHHHH!

HERMIONE: AROOOOOOOO!

HARRY: Oh, wow, so that was you?

HERMIONE: Apparently.

LUPINWOLF: *comes for Non-Italicized Harry and Hermione*

HERMIONE: Didn't think this through! Didn't think this through!

Somewhere in the Hogwarts Woods

HARRY AND HERMIONE: *run like hell*

LUPINWOLF: *almost eats them*

BUCKBEAK: *delivers a four-hoof beatdown*

HARRY [grimacing]: Yow, right in the chocolate.

Somewhere Else in the Hogwarts Woods

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: ...

HARRY: All right, here comes my dad.

HERMIONE: Uh, Harry...?

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: ...

HARRY: Any minute now...

HERMIONE: Uh... Harry?

HARRY: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: ...

HARRY: *cries*

HERMIONE: Uh, Harry? I'm pretty sure you and Sirius are about to die here.

HARRY: Oh, goddammit--EXPECTO PATRONUM!

PATRONUS: *prances stagfully*

HARRY: Dad!

DEMENTORS: Run away! We are powerless against Bambi's dad!

HARRY: OH MY GOD I'M MY OWN FATHER.

HERMIONE: I think I saw a porno like that once.

Some Astronomy Tower. Harry and Hermione take Buckbeak to go rescue Sirius from the tower, and decide that they apparently have time for a ride around Hogwarts rather than sending him straight off to escape.

HARRY: WOOOOO!

HERMIONE: WOOOOO!

SIRIUS: WOOOOO!

BUCKBEAK: HWUUUU!

Sirius Tells Harry Goodbye

SIRIUS: You look so much like your father...

HARRY: Yeah, yeah, might as well be looking at his reanimated corpse right now, I got it.

The Infirmary

HARRY: Hurry! The clock's about to strike!

HERMIONE: You've got to believe us!

DUMBLEDORE [leaving]: Three turns, Miss Granger.

HERMIONE: We can't go in yet! We're still in there!

HARRY: Does it have a flux capacitor?

DUMBLEDORE: *walks out into the hall*

HERMIONE: Professor Dumbledore! We did what you told us to do!

DUMBLEDORE [winking]: I have no idea what you're talking about.

HARRY: Wait... so you're not going to hang around in the infirmary and explain the whole movie to us?

DUMBLEDORE: Night!

HARRY: Wow, New Dumbledore really is groovy.

HARRY AND HERMIONE: *disappear*

HARRY AND HERMIONE: *run back into the infirmary*

RON: You were--but the--adda--wibba--

HARRY AND HERMIONE [grinning]: We have no idea what you're talking about.

RON: *cries*

Lupin's Office of Woeful Packing

HARRY: Well, basically we're right back where we started, which sucks.

LUPIN: Except for the part where you saved the lives of an innocent convict and an innocent Malfoy-mashing hippogriff.

HARRY: Yeah, but I still have no broom, no teacher, no godfather, and no parents.

LUPIN: Here, have some chocolate.

Great Hall, The Next Day

HARRY: OMG A FIREBOLT! THIS BROOM IS SO AWESOME IT ALMOST MAKES UP FOR HAVING NO TEACHER, NO GODFATHER, AND NO PARENTS!

HERMIONE: Look what was attached to the broom, Harry!

HARRY: Oh, wow! A feather from that hippogriff, whose escape we know NOTHING ABOUT.

HERMIONE: Yes! And according to my book here, a hippogriff feather means "Greetings from an escaped convict"!

HARRY: Yay!

RON: And I hear they're actually going to let us play Quidditch in the next movie, too!

HARRY: WOOT!

PEOPLE WHO READ GOBLET OF FIRE: *facepalm*

Harry zooms off on his new broom with the movie ending on a close-up of his artfully blurred face, perhaps to suggest in the language of cinematic metaphor that this time he is rendered blurry with happiness. Or that the camera guy can't hold the lens still. Something.

yet another sure sign

2006-04-16T05:42:34Z

that you are a college student... pack your stuff to go into storgae in walmart bags

another sure sign....

2006-03-23T20:35:11Z

that your a college student: today I ate my instant oatmeal out of a coffee mug because I didnt have a bowl

sure sign

2006-03-22T23:41:12Z

that Im a college student: tonight I ate my frozen dinner with a plastic spoon, at my desk, while talking on the compute, watching tv and reading for class *smiles* yeah...Im cool

hair

2006-03-17T01:41:39Z

I cut my hair short, very short, my brother said I looked like Ron Weasly. However, others say I look cute.
Please tell me what you really think when/ if you see me

oh yeah

2006-03-09T09:35:42Z

So it is 4:33 am, and I am up. Why? Dont know, cant sleep. I am determinded to get in bed by five. Maybe once I lay down, I will fall asleep.
So watched GoF today, it was great! Watched it with Nichole. I love that movie. The end still gets to me everytime.
Well, i guess I should try to go to sleep, I do feel my eyelids gettin heavy.
good night.
or should I say good morning

yay!

2006-03-07T19:13:22Z

Guess what I have?? Guess! Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!!!
Yes I do! Im so excited, I wish I didnt have a psyc exam tomorrow so i could watch it right now!

pictures

2006-03-06T03:10:29Z

OMG, I fucking hate my composite pictures! I look like a fat ass!
I think Im going to cry.

booya, lol

2006-03-03T19:54:11Z

You scored as Pansy Parkinson. You are Pansy Parkinson. You are the girl of Draco Malfoys dream. And of course you are all abou the trouble so have fun raising hell with your lover.

</td>

Pansy Parkinson

60%

Fleur Delacour

50%

Padma Patil

40%

Cho Chang

40%

Hermione Granger

30%

Ginny Weasley

30%

Angelina Johnson

30%

Which Harry Potter Girl Are You
created with QuizFarm.com

seriously

2006-02-27T04:39:59Z

I called my home today to ask my sister a question, and my father answered the phone. He said he was watching Dancing with the Stars and asked if I watched it. I said no and that I was mad because DH wasnt on because of that, and I wanted to see what was going on with Andrew to which my father says, "eh, he's gonna get shot, he's sleeping with somebody's wife" and I said, "No, dad, he's gay." he said it was just an act to make his mother upset and I said " but he was in bed with a boy" to which my father replies "yeah, I used to go to bed with boys all the time to make my mother upset."!!!!!! who the hell says that! This is like the fourth time hes made a reference to himself being gay, is there something hes trying to tell us?!
He loves to shop
he bought towels w/ out my mum asking him too
he buys good xmas gifts.
he can cook
has more shoes than me and my sister Delia put together
never has a sloppy day ei- always looks nice

oi, its weird. I mean, who says that?! To their daughter for that matter?
he does this alot, like the time he said he watched tennis which was two gay guys hitting a ball and he liked to shop at somestore mentioned by Jack on Will and Grace
any comments? I'd like to know what other people think

oh how I love quizzes

2006-02-21T19:33:58Z

YOU ARE Pigwidgeon: You might not be the biggest,

but your definitely the cutest. Somtimes

you're annoying as hell, but your heart's in

the right place. You're only ickle but you

try your hardest, always willing for any job

no matter how small or big - you give it your

all! Despite what Ron says, he loves you,

really. Bitch.

What Harry Potter Pet Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm from Slytherin!

Hogwart's Sorting Hat Quiz

made by The Genki Gang

is that why Im single??

You scored as Exciting. You are exciting, people want to fuck your brains out and you know it. Whether it's in an airplane or on the back of the bus, sex with you is always exciting.

</td>

Exciting

56%

Hot

56%

Shy

56%

Wet

50%

Soft

50%

Violent

44%

Awkward

38%

Sweet

31%

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

cuz look, Im exciting

lol

2006-02-14T00:44:43Z

Ok,just me being the obsessive person I am. Even though, in the Harry Potter books series, Draco is only 16, soon to be 17, and in the HP movies, he is only 14 soon to be 15, in "real life" Draco Malfoy is 25! lol I just found this amusing. Yes, he was born in 1980, not sure what month, but i know it was in 1980. So this made me think, if hes 25, yet in book 7 he'll be 17, the year is only 1998 or 1999. Which made me think of another point when was the SS originally publsihed? So, I happened to have Julies copy of the SS with me, and looked at the copywrite date, which was 1997, and I know it was one of the original copies because, she said she was there at midnight for evry book release. So now, Im a bit confused. Anyway, this is just rambling, but I felt the need to write about it, because, as we all know, Draco is my favorite bad boy. =)
much love

early morning quiz

2006-02-06T15:44:37Z

Take the quiz:
what celebrity bootay do you have? (girls only)

J-Lo
Youre booty has a continent of its own and gets you lots of attention.

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!